Life During a Blogless Summer! IF you can call it summer ... ?

The summer holidays have come and gone, and yet I've posted nothing to my blog - for over two months (or is it three now?!)! [oops!] It's not like I've been anywhere - I've mostly been at home! ;-) Apart from the Saturdays spent in Edderton getting the holiday house cleaned up after guests leave and ready again for the next ones arriving. 

In addition to that, life has felt a bit challenging over the past few months with trying to understand the smallest girl's behaviours and ways to help her cope with life. Umm, and the rest of us survive too! ;-) I think I'm only just beginning to properly piece things together and understand a bit of what is going on, so a long road ahead. A bit more about that further down. But yeah, it's added a lot of stress to life over the summer.

A moving baby (nearly toddler!) adds to the busyness of life too! Wee Fergus has grown a lot since I last posted - and gets around a lot more, and into everything too! He's now 10 months old and walks along the furniture and is getting more daring with thinking about not holding on for a few seconds. He was rather slow to crawl and sit up on his own, but once he got those done (only recently really!), he then had to be on his feet and moving! He continues to be such a sweet little boy and brings joy to all of us. He still loves his sleep and sleeps through most of the night - usually only waking to be fed around 6am and then back to sleep again. Can't really ask for an easier baby - and so happy too!

 

Now that we're back to lessons (a month ago now), Deborah is officially school age! This was her starting her school - a day early! :-P She finished all of her lessons *before* eating breakfast. I think she missed doing her workbooks over the summer.

 

It might sound great to have her so enthusiastic to do her work ... ;-) but this is a slight advantage (most of the time!), to some rather challenging issues that we're facing with her right now. :-( Ever since she was a baby - well at least around a year old, I've always felt she was different, and reminded me of Benjamin in a number of ways - though different to him in many ways too. I've always felt that she was very likely to also have high functioning autism (Aspergers) but being a girl, it can often manifest itself quite differently to boys with it. Quite often it's not spotted in girls, or masked more, and might show up as depression or eating disorders when they reach their teen years, etc. So I think I've always been aware something was there, but just thought that she was coping better than her brother did at a younger age, and we might get a bad patch when she was older.  Not that she's been easy, nor that I haven't made lots of adjustments to life (and food) for her for years now. But still, I wasn't prepared for the level of anxiety and other problems we've been faced with over the past several months. It's very sad to see a child who isn't quite 5, and yet their life SO affected by anxiety. Added to that, when the normal ASD strategies seem to make her worse, I was left feeling very confused! 

I started reading up on girls with Aspergers to see if I could learn more, and came across the mention of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance syndrome). The phrase caught my attention, so I started researching more. What totally amazed me is that everything I was reading about this, it seemed as if it was written specifically about my daughter - everything down to the sort of phrases said every day, and small things that are an issue for her, etc! It was a real light bulb moment - I just couldn't believe it! I *totally* realise I'm NOT a professional, and I can't diagnose my child myself, but when something like this is SO clear, it helps you feel like you're not crazy, and explains why a child has such unusual behaviours that a parent would not expect.

Basically, PDA is an anxiety driven need to be in control. And whilst a lot of ASD kids will get obsessed with objects or collect items, etc. It's like the PDA child puts ALL their energy into avoiding demands - even ones that are actually things they *want* to do. If they feel someone else has suggested them, it makes them feel out of control. You can read more about it here on the website for the "National Autistic Society" ( PDA )Even leaving the house causes great stress and anxiety, as I guess being out of your home means things are going to be even more out of  your control, and it all adds to the anxiety. So yes, it's actually a very complex set of issues, and it's not like there are any very set strategies to use. It's only in the 1980s that PDA was recognised as a specific subset of issues and the syndrome was recognised. Yet it's only in the past few years that awareness is picking up (there have been at least 2 TV programmes this year where it was  highlighted), and only recently is itconsidered to be part of the autism spectrum. Which means that it can be hard for a child to get a diagnosis of this, as many professionals are only now starting to learn about it!! Hopefully in the coming years, more and more research will be done, and there will better help in place for parents and children, and also education about how to help these children.

I think the biggest issue is working out how to reduce their anxiety, because if the levels of anxiety go down, then the child is able to cope with normal demands (like eating and drinking!) without major meltdowns. Of course, simple things like leaving the house, or being asked to do a simple task can sometimes stack up so that they just can't cope with anything at all. And then it all gets really tough. 

Anyway, I've gone on long enough about this! :-) But just to say, that whilst I am only *just* beginning to learn about methods to help her, I feel that we ARE getting somewhere with adopting PDA strategies. And there are times when it's wonderful to see her calm and coping better - for a few minutes at least! ;-) It all requires a lot of energy (physical and mental) to try and adjust life for her, but it is totally worth it to see her smiling and happy again! Or at least to finally know WHY she was this way, so we have the clues to attempt the difficult puzzle of her life, and how to help her! THAT is the big thing - knowledge! Without that, you're lost in helping your child. But when you find the missing puzzle piece and understand at last what is going on in their mind, then suddenly you have the key to start to put things together and help them. It's a wonderful moment!  I know many parents who feel like their life crumbles when they find out their child has autism or similar. But for me, I think knowledge is power. And the bad thing is when you know something isn't right, but you don't have a clue what it is. The wonderful thing is when you work out what is is - that's not a bad thing, that is an answer to prayer! :-)

Just realising how old some of these photos are - this was before Fergus was crawling properly! He still loves to empty shelves and anything else he finds! ;-)

Lego too! Nothing better than being able to get into the Lego stash!

Fergus loves being on his feet! I don't think it will be toooo long before he's walking - he certainly goes from one piece of furniture to the next. But who knows - he was slow to crawl and sit up, so he might just take his time walking too!

He loves the lavender plants outside the front door! For some reason, he enjoys eating it too! :-P

But nothing is enjoyed more than an ice cream cone - he will grab it from anyone he finds eating one! :-D

Again, an older photo - before he was sitting up on his own.

Towards the end of the summer holidays (which were rather too wet and chilly to be called summer!) we had a Monday evening when it was sunny and mild, so we headed off to the seaside! The kids had been asking about rock pooling for a long time, and they had SO much fun!

Nothing more fun than looking for living treasures! ;-)

This boy loves water!

Fergus had a cold at the time, so wasn't entirely sure about being outside! But he was pretty cosy next to his mama!

Biggest four!

Maybe being outside isn't too bad afterall!

An old tractor near the beach

Fergus did love the swings at the park, next to the beach.

This is fun! :-)

Benjamin has enjoyed learning to mow the grass in Edderton - which is also a help to Peter. Especially when it's been a wet summer, and sometimes there is a limited window of time to get it done in! We had a good run of bookings for the cottage over the summer - the whole of the school holidays it was occupied, and even for the week after we were back to lessons. So that was good, even if it keeps me busy! We've got further bookings in Sept, Oct, and Dec, which is encouraging! When you start a business you're never sure how long it will take to get established, and this spring and early summer were a bit more quiet than the two previous years, so it's nice to have some booked for later this year too. :-)

All ready for bed!

Some of our homeschool group just before the summer holidays! We've had 3 new families coming along since the new term, adding 10 extra children to the group, which is really lovely! It's always good to have it growing, especially when it had shrunk a bit due to some families going to school now, etc.

This photo must be a few months old (oops!), as Fergus is much more toddler looking than this now!

Elijah at the park after homeschool group

Biggest four on our way to the Inverness Museum earlier this summer, to see a Lego display!

Benjamin - with his favourite TY Beanie cats in his pockets!

Enjoying a picnic in Edderton one Saturday, when we were getting the house ready for guests.

Tree climbing in Edderton

Picnic

Picnic

Dressing up fun with playsilks!

They all love dressing up! :-D

Fun in a tunnel

with Deborah and Elijah :-)

Well, I'm going to end this blog post now. I actually uploaded the photos and started writing it like 3 weeks ago! :-P  But didn't get round to finishing it until now. Hence why some of the photos are even older still. I'm always taking photos ;-) so can't possibly upload them all. But perhaps I'll try and do another post soon, to catch up a bit on more recent times. But for now, this will have to do!